Walking down Fifth Avenue, I passed a small, hand-lettered sign on a silver door that read All Mail to Laundromat. But for some reason, I read it as All Hail to Laundromat. I looked around to see if anyone was bowing and offering the head of a goat to the rows of washers inside, but no. There was only some lady sweeping the sidewalk.
My cat thinks the ice maker is a god. For about a week, she would sit in front of the refrigerator staring intently at it. I got a little freaked out thinking that maybe there was a mouse under there. But one day, as I got myself a glass of water from the in-door dispenser (one of my personal favorite bourgeois things) a wayward piece of ice hit the floor. I swear my cat looked like she was having a religious experience. She went after that ice with a vengeance. It was like watching some PBS documentary: (whispered British tones) “And now, the grateful cat offers praises to the gods for the bounty they’ve brought forth. The sacrifice has been deemed worthy. Little Squeak will rest well today.”
My cat’s a freak.
Three weeks left on this deadline. Three weeks to make everything work. (insert maniacal laughter here.) Fortunately, I have discovered a way to blow off steam in the evenings. Anybody know about a playstation game called Guitar Hero? If you don’t know about it, don’t get started. I’m telling you it is video crack. I can see myself living on the streets, holding tightly to my controller going, “One more time, man, one more time. I’m gonna get this run down, I swear. Just one…two more times, man.”
It is the most addictive game ever. In Guitar Hero, you get to pretend to be a kick-ass guitar player. Notes come at you on screen, and you have to try to hit them to play the solo and unlock songs. Some songs are fairly easy, like Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man.” Then there are things like Eric Clapton’s “Crossroads” and Stevie Ray Vaughn’s “Texas Flood.” Forget it. I can’t even get through them on easy. There are people who can do this on expert. I fear them.
My cat is worshipping the Ice Maker God again. I’m so tempted to go mess with her. No, that would be mean. PRAY, KITTY! PRAY FOR ICE!
She is LICKING the fridge. No, sorry. Gotta do it. The gods are angry today, kitten, aaaaanngryyyyyyy….